Mom was (ugh) Right

When I was a newlywed, I had visions of being the perfect wife and mother. I wasn't going to treat my kids the way my mother treated me - NO WAY. I was going to be a "cool" mom... an amazing mom. You weren't going to hear me say, "Because I said so!"... not once. My children would have reasons for every action, and they would know they were respected and loved.



The blessed day came, and I was mother to a beautiful baby girl. Everything was great. My daughter was a shining example of what every child should be. She never cried, she was always happy, and she always slept through the night. Ah-hah! I was right! I am doing all the cool mommy stuff and still rearing a great kid. I remember all the things my mother had done or said to me as a child; and they weren't bad, they were just not my style. I was proud of being independent in my mothering ability and doing things on my own. Then it happened. My three year old daughter had the worst tantrum I had ever seen a child have. In the mall of all places!



I tried all of my "mommy tactics" to no avail. My methods were just not cutting it. I looked over at my mother who was looking back at me with the "you are about to learn a valuable lesson" look. I took a deep breath, picked my daughter up under my arm, and I carted her outside. I sat down in the grass, wrapped my legs around hers, held her arms against her chest, and rocked her back and forth saying in the softest voice I could muster up, "I love you, I love you, I love you..." until she quieted down and stopped flailing about.



When we were done, I turned her around to face me. I gave her a big hug and kiss; and I told her that even though I was not happy with how she acted, I was always happy with her. I stood up to see my mom peeking through the mall doors to see how the aforementioned tantrum was doling out. She smiled that "I saw you using my tactics" smile that I dreaded seeing. When my daughter and I rejoined the rest of my family, my mother came over and told me that she was proud of me and that I handled the situation like a pro. Never mind that it was her method, or that she had used it on me a dozen times. She never mentioned that. She just said that I did good. I wondered how long until she addressed the fact that I had begun to turn into her. I just waited.



Over the next few years, I had another child and the tantrums droned on. My son was nothing like my daughter. He was (is) in trouble daily... constantly testing the limits of how much mommy can handle. Time after time he hears an exasperated, "Because I said so!" Time after time I have called my mother to recount the day's activities and heard her, "Uh-huh. Yes, Dear, I know how that goes." All along, I know that she is on the other end reveling in the fact that my discipline is now mirroring her own. And then one day, one beautiful summer day, I did it. I called my mother; and for the first time in 11 years, I uttered the words I knew she longed to hear. "Mom," I said, "You were right".



Nikki Gladwell, Hypnotist

www.bill-nikki.com